Posts tagged Job

There’s an episode of The Office where Phyllis misspells the word “Launch” on a banner for a party. If you’ve seen the show, you know Angela yells a lot, so Phyllis googles “how to deal with difficult people” when she realizes her mistake.

“So, how do you feel about the fact that the banner says ‘Lunch’?” Phyllis asks.

“I feel angry. Angry at you. Angry at you for doing something stupid. Angry at me for believing you could do something not stupid,” Angela responds.

“I’m so sorry to hear that. That must be awful,” she says.

“It is awful. You’ve made this day awful.”

Angela’s erratic behavior, while exaggerated, is a technique used by people to get what they want (even if it’s subconscious),  because it defies prediction. Does your boss yell and throw things? While this may seem unprofessional, this irrationality is getting your boss what he wants.

While you’ve probably never had to deal with someone as patronizing as Angela, you’ve probably come across personality types that don’t mesh well with your own. It’s important to stand up for yourself, but often in delicate situations- such as that with a boss- there is too much on the line for you to fight back. This is when you need to be tactful and rational, choosing thoughtful communication over ways you might deal with someone you know better, such as a family member or close friend.

A quick Google search will present you with a million different ways to deal with difficult people at work, so we’ve narrowed it down to a few simple guidelines. Should you confront a difficult coworker? When is this appropriate?

Consider the following:

Does this person’s performance or behavior at work impede the goals of your company or organization?

Do this person’s actions impede your own success?

Is this problem causing you anxiety or diminishing your quality of life?

If you answered yes to any of the questions above, it’s probably time for a game plan. But before you put the energy into a confrontation, consider that you may be contributing to the problem too. It’s often hard to see outside ourselves, but the reality is that you may be putting the situation though a distorted lens. Ask yourself what the facts are, and try to figure out why you feel that you are under attack. You may find that the situation isn’t even about your coworker – it’s about you. It’s in our nature to feel defensive when we don’t feel that we are valuable or valued. Make sure you aren’t playing the victim card, or blaming this person for how you are feeling as a way of protecting yourself. Take a moment and try to see where they are coming from.

If you do decide that you need to talk to the difficult person, remember a few key guidelines to keep the interaction as smooth as possible.

No one can read your mind, so it’s very important that you state how you see the situation. Don’t assume that this person knows what you’re talking about. Say what’s bothering you in a few words, and stick to the point.

Don’t condescend. People will listen better if they feel you aren’t talking down to them. Concentrate on stating the effects this person’s behavior is having on you or your team.

Frame what you are going through in a positive light, and don’t dwell on what this person is doing wrong. Suggesting ways that they can change, instead of blaming them for multiple mistakes, will be a better way for you to get what you want.

In the end, you have to decide for yourself what the best way is to deal with someone who’s giving you trouble at work. Approaching the situation tactfully will usually help you get the results you want.

Further reading:

9 Useful Strategies for Dealing with Difficult People at Work

Rise Above the Fray: How to Deal With Difficult People at Work